


Rain Drops on Shattered Glass

by I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins



Series: Ad Astra Per Aspera [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins/pseuds/I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins
Summary: Kris and Elliott Shepard are twins. Connected by blood, they've always been close. But when fate throws them on opposite sides, they're forced to fight the very person they care about most: each other.





	1. Changing Allegiances

2176

A year before the events of the Sole Survivor Origin

 

The rain falls heavy against her skin, cold and wet and slick in the darkness. Kris lifts her head, eyes closed, to feel the rain beating against her face.  _We have to survive._

She can still hear the shattering sounds of their parent's screaming. She had been so young when they died, but the sounds of their death echo in her mind still. Her heartbeat quickens at the sound of boots walking toward her. She spins around, hand on the knife at her belt. 

A cloud of smoke pours from the darkness. A man holds a cigar between his fingers, lips curled in a half smile. "Shepard, right?" he asks, his deep voice sending chills down her spine.

Kris frowns, fingers tightening on the handle of her knife. Her biotics tense, flashing light blue across her skin. "Yeah, you must be The Illusive Man?" She snorts, shifting her feet to lean forward. "Your message said to meet you here. What'd you want?"

He flicks his cigar, ashes falling to the ground. She wonders how he manages to keep it lit, with the rain falling all around. "What do I want? To help humanity survive, and thrive, in this galaxy. The alien races would keep us from reaching our full potential. The Alliance does nothing but comply with their wishes. But I can help us reach something greater."

She raises an eyebrow, brushing the strands of wet, red hair from face. "How?" she asks, caution making her hesitate. 

The Illusive Man grins, teeth flashing bright in the darkness of night. "I need your help, Shepard. I'm employing the best scientists to help with a research project. You'll get the best lab, the best equipment, if you sign on."

"So that's why you wanted to see me," Kris replies, fingers finally relaxing. "What's the project?" She can't help but wonder, the scientist in her eager to learn, experiment, explore. Her brother would be pissed if he knew she's here, talking with the leader of the Cerberus organization. But Elliott doesn't need to know. No, her optimistic overly enthusiastic brother doesn't need to know anything.

The Illusive Man turns, walking off into the darkness. "If you want to know more, you'll have to come with me. I have to be sure you can be trusted, Shepard."

The rain beats down on Kris' head, pounding in tune with her heart. If she follows him, there's no turning back. She can feel it. She clenches her fists as her brother's face swims in her mind. She can see his happy smile when he first got accepted into the N7 program. He was so damn proud of joining the stupid Alliance.  _I can help bring peace between the races this way._

Kris snorts at the idea. Peace? They don't need peace. They need a brighter path for humanity. Something that will keep them all safe, and a step ahead of the council.  _We have to survive._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks be to Mizdirected, who helped beta a section of this eons ago before I rebooted the whole thing.

**2177 CE**

**The Year of the Akuze Massacre**

 

The plume of smoke from The Illusive Man's cigar is thick, twirling up to the high, vaulted ceiling. Kris' white and black lab coat is neat, clean, and pressed. Everything is exactly as he promised. The technology she has at her disposal is every scientist's wet dream.

It's been a year, and still they've gotten nowhere with the damned serum, though. Project Genome is failing. She curls her fingers into fists. Fuck.

"You want to set a live thresher maw on a colony? A  _human_ colony?" Kris asks, eyes narrowed with suspicion. She doesn't want to take human lives, she wants to save them, improve them, make them better than the aliens that hold them back.

The Illusive Man simply raises an eyebrow as the long trail of ash falls to the ground. "It was your idea to combine the acid from the thresher maw with human DNA, Shepard," he reminds her, voice calm but showing the barest hint of amusement.

She bites her lip. "I still think that's the best way... but an entire colony?" Guilt tears at her that she's even considering the idea.

"It's a necessary sacrifice, to further humanity. If you can't handle it, I can always find a scientist to replace you," is his cool reply.

Her pride rises to the occasion, never failing to push her into action. "No," she says with a sigh. "I can handle it."

 

~*~*~

 

Kris watches as gunfire explodes in the distance.  They aren't supposed to be here. The Alliance wasn't supposed to come. Not here, not now. She races toward the battle, her pistol in hand. She's not sure what she can do against a thresher maw, but she has to try. The colonist are bad enough, a stain on her conscious that will never leave. She can't lose Elliott, too. 

The sand blows harsh in her face, stealing her vision. Screams and gunfire echo around her, chaos everywhere. She whips around, her breath coming in short, terrified gasps, searching for her brother. “Elliott?” she screams into the night air, praying he's all right.

Poison from the thresher maw hits her hard, knocking out her shields as she lands on her back. The poison burns where it touches, an agonizing pain unlike any she's ever felt. Her armor is shredded and her skin feels pierced by a thousand needles.

She struggles for breath, gasping and wheezing. She wants to cry out but she can't. Her lungs burn with each haggard breath. The starlight twinkles before her eyes, gleaming in the night sky, deceptively peaceful.

She needs to get to Elliot. She has to protect him.

Her heart races like an overclocked engine. She can feel it thudding against her chest, pounding like gunfire behind a cage of bones and muscle. Team members scream, their bodies being flung through the night air. Corpses litter the ground. Please, God, let my brother be okay. Please.

She forces herself to her feet, still looking for Elliott as she limps. She sees him, on his knees, blood streaking in his eyes. The thresher maw aims for him as she slams into his body, knocking him to the ground.

Kris drags him away from the fight, even as he struggles to get to his men. "No," he screams, voice hoarse. "NO!"

She wraps her arms around him as he sobs, heavy whole body wracking sobs that get lost in the violent screams of the Alliance squadron. He pushes her away, lip curled in a snarl. "What are you doing here?" he demands to know.

She can't meet his eyes, can't tell him this is her fault. She caused this. Picked out the Thresher Maw herself; a nice, healthy looking young mother with a fresh crop of eggs to protect. She can't, won't, tell him that it's the only way. He never understands her scientific reasonings, anyway. Elliott's the grunt, the soldier, the action orientated one.

"You did this," he accuses, voice a low growl, green eyes flashing in the night. "Dammit, Kris." Elliott slowly gets to his feet, the sudden silence echoing. He looks at the aftermath, the thresher maw finally retreating back underground. 

"They're all dead," he whispers. He looks at her with hollow eyes. "You... Why?"

But she has no answer that can make him understand.

 

~*~*~

 

Kris watches her own funeral from a vid screen, sitting behind her desk in a hidden Cerberus facility. Elliott's eyes are red rimmed from crying, and the quality of the vid is good enough she can see his hands trembling as they lay her empty casket in the ground.

It's for the best, this way. If he thinks her dead, he won't feel torn between his duty to the Alliance and his love for his twin. He won't hate himself for not turning her in. And she won't have to explain herself anymore. 

With an unsteady hand, she clicks off the vid. She turns away, walking down the metal corridor with tears hiding behind her eyes. She waits until she's outside to cry, to mourn, to agonoize. Outside, the rain hides her tears. It's almost always raining on this backwater planet far from Alliance eyes. Kris likes the rain. The way it numbs her, inside and out. The way it hides the proof of her guilt, the tears she isn't supposed to shed.  

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a cute, fluffy one-shot for Elliott that takes place between Chapter Two and Chapter Three found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6047509

**2178 CE**

"Shepard? We have the subject ready," a voice says behind her. She turns toward the doorway, a tight frown on her harsh features.

Kris nods at him, an older man with greying hair and watery, beady eyes of murky blue. "Right, Kominski. Good, I'll be there in a moment. This serum is almost ready," she replies, turning her back on him.

She grabs the thresher maw serum she's concocted over the last year, adding in a drop of platinum to it and grinning as it lets out a low hiss. "Perfect," she whispers to herself. This is what will make all the sacrifices she's made worth it.

Her shoes make a harsh clicking sound against the cold, metal floor as she heads for the testing room. She pauses for a moment before entering, watching the other scientists scurry around, their Cerberus uniforms pressed and neat. The Illusive Man, and she, allow for nothing less.

"Where is my subject?" she asks, entering the room coolly.

She glances around, eyes lighting when she sees a man in a glass cage. His hair is a dull brown and messy, and blood drips from a cut around his hairline. Her eyes skip down to his mouth, taking in his full lips and the tiny scar that trails down to his chin. He's completely naked, and bruises cover his flesh. He's crouched but still standing, obviously trying to cover his private bits and retain some dignity. His hands scrape on the glass in a frantic but useless motion and Kris finally meets his wide, fearful gaze.

"Why are you doing this? Let me go!" His voice is pleading and demanding all at once, and laced with fear that sits bitterly on Kris' tongue.

She frowns, looking over at one of her fellow scientists, a woman by the name of Doctor Coleman. Coleman's hair is pulled up into a neat bun, grey eyes focused on her data pad. "We couldn't find a volunteer, I take it?" Kris asks, voice cold.

Tory glances up, eyebrows raised. "You're joking? Of course not, " she replies with a scoff.

Kris rubs the back of her neck as a headache settles in. She hates working on unwilling subjects, even when the research is grossly needed. "Great," she mutters, walking toward the caged man. She doesn't look into his eyes as she makes some notes on her omnitool, frustration mounting.

"Please, you can't do this to me. My name is Gary. I have children. I'm the only parent they have left," he whispers. Kris flinches and the man presses on, obviously hoping he's hit a weak spot. "Their mother died three years ago. My daughter is only five, and my son- he just turned eleven. Their names are Amy and Evan. Please, I just want to go home to them. My daughter has a play tomorrow. She wants me to see it. She's so proud, please, let me go back to my little girl, and my son. Please." His voice is full of urgency as he rattles on. She tries to shut it out but Elliott's face swims before her mind, disapproving and disgusted by her current actions. She knows Elliott would hate her for this, if he knew of them.

Taking a deep breath she looks up to meet the man's eyes. "Can we get a gag for the subject?" she asks, not looking away. His mouth falls open in horror, and she can see the pulse in his throat speed up as he slowly falls to his knees. She forces herself not to flinch or give away an sign of emotion, despite her rapidly pounding heart.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, tears running down his hollow cheeks.

Kris almost doesn't answer, turning away and heading over to the injection site. "To save lives, " she replies at the last minute. "So your daughter and your son can grow up at all, even if it's without you. So our kind, humanity, can show the _aliens_ that we're a force to be reckoned with."

She grabs his arm through a small hole, yanking it upward to pierce the skin. He screams, struggling to pull away but the cage is so small that there's nowhere for him to run. Kris walks away, standing at the far end of the room and watching, faded yellow notebook in hand.

Bile rises in Kris' throat as she watches the subject scream, hands clawing at his hair as his body twists and morphs into a something from a child's nightmare. His skin turns to light brown scales, lips falling away and revealing broken teeth. His fingers elongate, bones making a sickening popping noise as they shift into strange claws. Blood drips from his mouth as his eyes bulge in their sockets, pupils expanding until they look pure black and glowing bright blue. Gary's hair falls out in clumps, skin tearing to reveal bits of skull. His tongue is lolling from his mouth, glowing the same colour as his eyes. She tries not to vomit or look away, her heart pounding dangerously beneath her ribs. This is her fault. She caused this pain and horror so that means she has to watch it. If he has to experience it, it's the very least she can do.

The subject, no, Gary lets out a scream that Kris knows will haunt her dreams until she dies, a bloodcurdling screech that bounces off the walls. Completely changed, he charges at the wall again and again, throwing his mutated body against the glass in a vain attempt to get at his captors. Soon blood smears against the walls in a morbid design but still, he doesn't stop.

She's failed. Deep inside, Kris knows it. Hollowly, she walks to stand in front of the glass, watching as the thresher maw-human hybrid claws to get out. She grabs her weapon and points at her faded reflection. "Lower the wall," she commands.

Coleman chuckles awkwardly. "Are you serious, Shepard? We haven't even studied him yet," she replies, hand hesitating over the panel. "We should watch, see his reaction or if anything changes.

"We can study his corpse. No one deserves to live like this," Kris replies, clenching her jaw.

 

Another one of her scientist, Abraham, raises an eyebrow. "You want his death to be in vain? Then what's the point of even bothering?"

Kris lowers her arm. "You're right," she says, holding back a sigh. She settles back against the wall, watching the monster once known as Gary. The seconds pass by into minutes which fade into hours as she waits for him to calm or die or something other than rage against the walls of his cage. 

Finally, his body seizes, falling to the ground with a thunk. Kris breathes a sigh of relief. It's over. Her relief turns to anger, however, as she looks across the room at the corpse. "Nothing changed," she mumbles. "I want his corpse examined. Every inch, every test you can think to run. Then do it twice." She pauses before leaving the room. "And send me all the information you have on him."

 

~*~*~

 

Warm, soft light pours from above, highlighting tiny figures in brightly coloured tutus as they swirl around the stage. Petite hands stretch upward, reaching for the ceiling, before swinging gaily back to their sides as they spin and glide across the wooden platform. Orchestral music soars through the room as the little dancers balance on tiptoes, faces alight with smiles.

The audience explodes into cheers and clapping and Kris, expressionless, joins in. One little girl in particular stands out. She has the same eyes as her father, but her hair is a soft orange and don e in big barrel curls. Her tutu is bright pink as her eyes search for her father, Gary. Kris pulls her scarf tight around her face. She can't be seen, not when everyone believes her dead.

After the noise dies down, and the kids start to rush up to their relatives, Kris makes her way toward the stage. "Amy?" she asks, looking at the little girl.

"Who're you?" a young boy, about eleven and a spitting image of his dad, asks.

Kris hesitates a moment, unsure why she's even here. "I- knew your father," she lies. Though, she figures it's only a half life, since she has met the man.

And killed him.

Amy beams up at her, gap-toothed. "You're friends with my daddy?" she asks with a squeal, bouncing up and down on slippered feet. Her energy is infectious, but all it does is make Kris' heart clench painfully with regret. "I can't see him, where is he? Is he behind you? Did he have to go potty?"

Kris takes a deep breath. "I don't know," she lies again, and it taste like ashes on her tongue. "I just came to give you these," she continues, handing her a small bouquet of pink flowers. "Your play was beautiful. You... did well."

The boy squints at her, freckles standing out in stark relief against the paleness of his skin. "Who are you?" he repeats.

"No one of consequence," Kris replies, turning away. She moves her feet quickly, grateful for the throng of people swarming the area. As she leaves the tiny building, a tear rolls down her cheek. "Dammit," she whispers, climbing into her shuttle with a heavy heart.

She never should have came here.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the introduction of Kai Leng! I wrote a wee backstory for him about my own headcanon on how he got arrested, since the details were never specified. You can find that here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6053292

**2181 CE**

**Two years before The Eden Prime War**

 

Kris' fingers curl around the fine focus knob on the microscope, the ridged edges rough against her skin. She twists the knob, increasing the view until she can see the tiny molecules clearly. Slow and methodical, she analyzes what she's seeing, making messy scribbled notes on an old fashioned yellow notepad. The scratching of the lead against the paper helps her concentrate, pulling her attention to a narrow focus. There has to be a way to utilize the thresher maw's basic DNA structure to increase human biotics. Toombs' body won't be able to handle much more experimentation. So many others have died, and she wants to save at least one. To make all the other deaths worth it.

Voice scream inside her head, echoing pain and fear as they fight and die. She frowns, tucking a long strand of her red hair behind her ear. Memories of that night on Akuze still haunt her. It had been the last time she'd seen Elliott in person. Her brother's face lingers in her mind, a near mirror of her own. The blood that trailed down his face stains her heart, a permanent reminder of her shame. 

But he doesn't understand. He doesn't see that a controlled test was necessary to increase humanity's potential. " _My men died because of you!_ " His hurled accusations sting, brutal, even two years later. 

It's easier this way, pretending to be dead. Easier if she doesn't have Elliott's moral superiority looming over her. Easier if she doesn't see his disappointment in the path she's chosen.

They've always been two very different sides of the same coin, never able to see the other's point of view. Always back to back. Always at odds, always opposites. 

Besides, Cerberus is a rogue organization. If Elliott knew, if he  _really_  knew what she was up to, and not just hints and suspicions.... He's Alliance, through and through.

Kris forces herself to look back at the microscope. She loves her brother. That's why she's fighting. That's why she's trying to raise humanity to the place they really belong. She hasn't forgotten the sacrifices her research has cost. Each soldier that died on Akuze, she remembers their names. Their faces. It had been her unit, too, once. Before she quit the N7 program. She still holds their dogtags in a safe in her lab, a bitter reminder of everything lost so far. But in the end, it will be worth it.

It has to be. 

 

~*~*~

 

Kris stands at a command console, eyes narrowed in a scowl. She watches as Elliott fights through enemy pirates, his armour dinged and scratched. It's been this way for two years now. The Illusive Man keeps her update with stolen mission reports and secret vid tapes on her brother's movements. Everytime he comes into danger she can feel her heart racing, breath caught in her throat, and she wishes like hell she could still be there to watch his six.

A hand lands on her shoulder and she turns, eyes widening when she sees Miranda staring at her. "Lawson," she says, tone relaxed. "What'd you need?" 

Miranda's her only friend here. She's kept her fellow scientists at a distance, talking only about their tests. But Miranda and she had bonded one night, when Kris was drunk out of her mind and questioning herself.

_"I'm a murderer. A fucking piece of shit murderer," she growls, taking another swig of whiskey.  "Fucking shit."_

_Miranda shakes her head, her dark brown hair immaculate as ever. "Shepard, you're too hard on yourself. You are doing what is necessary. For humanity."_

_Kris scoffs, rolling her eyes. She reaches for the whiskey bottle, hands shaking. "What the hell do you know, Lawson?"_

_"I'm an excellent judge of character. I think you'll find my assessments to be right on the money," is her quick reply._

Miranda raises a perfectly trimmed eyebrow, blue eyes sparkling. "The Illusive Man wants to see us. Both of us."

The words tumble out of her mouth with little thought, her nerves frantic that he's about to end Project Genome. "My research isn't done, I need more time. If I can just explain it to him, I'm sure he'll-"

Miranda cuts off her rushed words with a single hand movement, expression calm and collected as ever. "Relax, Shepard. He wouldn't be calling me in if it was about your precious project."

Kris takes in a few slow breaths, nodding slowly. "Right. 'Course not. Stupid of me, sorry. I panicked." She offers the biotic a half-hearted grin.

"I noticed," Miranda replies dryly. "Let's go then."

Kris follows behind her, mind back on her project. She's so close to a breakthrough, she can feel it in her bones. She needs more subjects, but the thought of taking more  _human_  lives makes her stomach churn. She smirks, shaking her head. It's too bad that alien physiology is so different from humans. 

As they enter the cold dark room where the Illusive Man sits, a cigar held between his fingers, her smirk turns into a frown. It stinks of cloves and smoke, so thick that it clings to her clothes and hair. "Why do I always feel the need to shower after coming here?" she mutters, placing a hand under her nose.

Miranda chuckles again, glancing at Kris out of the corner of her eyes. "Not a fan of cigars, Shepard?"

"Don't be an ass, Lawson," Kris shoots back, a small smile tugging at her lips.

The Illusive Man sits there silently, watching their banter with a blank expression. He waits until they're silent before he begins. "I have a mission for you," he begins, flicking the ashes into a dark metal tray. "There is an ex N7 Operative by the name of 'Kai Leng'. Perhaps you've heard of him, Shepard?" He rolls his blue eyes towards her, watching her with a piercing closeness that makes her vaguely uncomfortable.

She racks her brain before she remembers. "Oh, yeah. He killed that Krogan, right?" She rubs the back of neck before shrugging. "Seemed like a hot head from the reports. Why?"

Miranda folds her arms under her breasts, jutting one hip to the side. "A hot head? I read those reports. He's brash and reckless. Doesn't think things through. Cerberus doesn't need someone like that, trust me."

The Illusive Man blinks at them before replying. "I want you to release him from prison. We may have need of someone with his... talents, soon."

Miranda's eyebrows raise up so high they virtually disappear into her hairline. "What?" she asks, clearly dumbfounded.

Kris snickers. "So eloquent, Lawson. Tell me, how do you really feel?"

"Bugger off, Shepard," she quips back, rolling her eyes. "It sounds like a risky plan with little to no reward," she says, turning her attention back to the Illusive Man, voice flat.

Kris considers the idea for a moment, rolling it around in her brain before speaking. "I have to agree with Lawson. Why're we doing this?"

He's silent for a moment, taking a long drag from his cigar. The room is frigid, and Kris suppresses a shiver, rubbing her hands down her arms. She wonders what he's thinking, what goes on in his mind. He never reveals anything behind that carefully guarded face, each word specifically chosen to share just enough but never everything.

"There's a threat to this galaxy, to humanity, that very few realize. We need every human we can get if humanity is to survive. We must control every asset possible," he finally replies.

"And we need a brash murder to do that? Brilliant," Miranda quips before sighing. "Alright, fine then. You have his location?"

The Illusive Man nods slowly. "I have uploaded the necessary information to your datapads," he says, swiveling his chair around until his back is facing them.

Kris snorts. "Clearly, we've been dismissed, Lawson. Suit up?"

Miranda nods, watching the Illusive Man for a moment before turning briskly on her heel. "Yes. Let's go, Shepard."

 

~*~*~

 

Kris stares at the man behind the cell door. He's lounging on his cot, a lazy smirk on his face. His long black hair is pulled back into a ponytail as he watches her. "Cerberus? Never heard of them," he says, his voice low with an edge of danger laced through it.

"We're an organization that aims to promote humanity to a higher place in the galaxy," she replies, giving him the short explanation. "Do you want out of there or should we leave you to rot?

He chuckles, standing up and stretching his limbs. "Well, that would be a shame considering all the trouble you went through to get here," he drawls.

Miranda rolls her eyes as she hacks into the security system keeping the cell door closed. "It was hardly any trouble. You must not be too important, there were barely any security guards to incapacitate."

Kai Leng's nostril flare as he growls. "Bitch," he says, fists clenching as moves toward them.

Kris steps in front of Miranda, narrowing her eyes at the prisoner. "Watch your mouth," she warns, jaw clenching. "Or you can stay in there for all I care."

Miranda shoots her an appreciative look, lips quirking into the barest hint of a smile.

Kris stares at Kai Leng as he mulls over her words. She doesn't back down from his hard gaze, holding despite the way her stomach is doing unnatural flip flops at the sight. Finally, the man nods, smirking again. "Alright... Shepard, was it? Alright, Shepard. Hurry the fuck up and let me out of here, then, if you can," he replies, mocking their efforts.

Kris struggles with the urge to slam the butt of her assault rifle into his face. "Asshole," she mutters, turning to Miranda. "You got that, Lawson? The prisoner is giving us orders now."

Miranda laughs, giving her a wink. "Ironic, isn't it? Here I thought we were in command. How stupid of me," she quips, shaking her head. "Ah, there we go!" she says as the door slides open with a soft woosh. "All clear."

Kai Leng rolls his shoulders, a chuckle bubbling from his lips. "Ah, freedom," he says, eyes flashing. He flexes his fingers, biotic powers charging to life in a bright blue hue. He throws out his arm and Kris ducks out of the way. Her mouth opens to yell at him when she hears a loud thud behind her. Turning, she sees an alliance soldier lying on his back, eyes wide and unblinking as he stares up at the ceiling. His neck is bent at an odd angle. "You killed him," Kris says slowly.

Kai Leng raises a brow at her as she turns to look at him. "Right. Don't tell me you're surprised, Shepard," he replies, voice incredulous.

So far, they'd managed not to kill anyone, knocking them out with a gas that rendered them unconscious instead. She prefers not killing anyone from the Alliance, not after all they'd done for her, when she was a kid.

"Shepard? Come on, we don't have time to waste. You knew this might happen," Miranda chastises, bringing her focus back to the matter at hand.

"Right, yeah. Let's go," she mutters, holding her gun at the ready.

 

~*~*~

 

Kris stands in front of a long mirror, staring at her reflection. A small pattern of acid burn scars still trace along her neck. It's been years, Kris, she thinks to herself with a sigh. Cerberus had repaired the damage the thresher maw had done to her body. She stretches her fingers, flexing the cybernetic tendons and muscles, still amazed she had survived at all.

 

 

As she turns to leave the small circular room, she catches a glimpse of her brother's picture. Elliott, smiling so brightly, frosting smeared across his face as he laughs. They had been fifteen when that picture was taken by Anderson. She can see herself, scowling in response to his laughter, even though the camera had only caught the back of her head. She wishes now she had smiled, because her frown had wiped the glow from his eyes seconds after the photo had been snapped.

"Look at the princess now," a voice says behind her, soft and mocking. She stands, whirling around to face Kai Leng. The door of the locker room is open, and he stands there alone, a smirk on his arrogant face.

She growls low in her throat as she charges over to him, slamming him against a wall. He laughs as she presses an arm to his throat, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "Fuck you," she spits out between gritted teeth. She's not even sure why she's so angry, but she's been yearning to take her aggression out on someone, anyone. 

Ever since Gary had died.

Kai grins at her and heat pools in her belly. "My pleasure, princess," he whispers. "Did you want to do it here or should we go somewhere more private?"

She bares her teeth at him, desire and anger mingling together. "You couldn't handle me," she whispers back.

His eyes light up with lust as he spins her around, her back now pressing against the hard metal of the ship. "Try me," he murmurs into her ear, and she shivers as his breath travels across her skin.

His lips are so close, almost touching, his dark eyes dancing in the shuttle's overhead lights. Her eyes focus on his lips though, full and slightly parted and oh so very close. Her tongue slowly wets her own lips as she inhales, breathing in the scent of his cologne. "Why don't you kiss me then, if you're so fucking cocky?" She whispers the question, their breaths mingling together, mouths still so close but not touching.

He narrows his eyes at her, body pressed against hers, and she can feel the heat of his need radiating off him. He presses his leg between her thighs, and she lets out a low moan in response.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Miranda asks, and Kris startles, heart racing as she pushes Kai Leng off her.

He smirks before throwing her a mocking salute. "Maybe next time, princess."

Miranda makes a disgusted noise as he saunters past before narrowing her eyes at Kris. "Shepard, you can't afford a distraction right now. And he's a walking time bomb," she warns, crossing her arms over her breasts.

Kris rubs a hand over the back of her neck. "Yeah, I get it, Lawson. " She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before meeting Miranda's penetrating gaze. "Don't worry about it."

Miranda shakes her head, lips pursed. "Just, be careful, Shepard," she replies. "Here, I have a data report for you on your latest subject. One of your scientists handed it off to me."

Kris eyes roam across the words, heart thundering with excitement. "Oh. Oh fuck, yes," she whispers, hurrying off to her lab. She leaves Miranda behind, ignoring everything as her feet quickly carry her down the hall. IF they combine the thresher maw acid with eezo then maybe... Maybe that will keep it from morphing the subjects.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light smut included. Rough sex, but consenting and respectful. Smut is not my strong point, I think I've written all of four smut scenes in my life? lol

She leans over her lab table, adjusting her goggles as she pears at the chemical components in front of her. The bright green liquid of the thresher maw acid sits inside the tiny vial, fizzling as she mixes it with the swirling blue eezo. She puckers her brow as she focuses her attention on not letting too much of the acid drip into the other component, tongue pressed between her teeth.

"What are you doing, princess?"

Kris startles, almost dropping the vial of acid. "Shit," she says, slamming a hand on to the counter. "Kai Leng, so help me- I will kill you if you fuck up my experiment," she growls.

He chuckles low, sliding up behind her. "I can think of better things for you to be doing with your hands," he quips.

She rolls her eyes, elbowing him in the stomach. "Go to hell, Kai Leng. I've got work to do."

He shrugs, turning to lean backwards against her lab table, elbows resting as he raises an eyebrow at her. "What happened to all that heat, princess?"

She lets out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "It left when my work started," she replies wryly.

"I didn't know you were such a science geek, Shepard."

She frowns at him as he smirks over at her, almond coloured eyes full of fire. "You're an ass," she grumbles.

His grin is saucy as he pushes away the table, long black hair falling around his face. "I do have a nice one, if that's what you're saying."

Her lips twitch as she struggles not to laugh. Encouraging him is the last thing she needs to do. "If you're really curious, I'm trying to weaponize the acid from a thresher maw. It could give humanity the edge we need."

"Hot," he replies, tone dry.

She groans, glancing back at the vials. "You're not going to let me finish, are you?" She pauses. "That is not invitation to make a lewd joke," she adds, pointing her finger at him.

"I'm not that crass, princess," he replies.

She clicks her tongue, crossing her arms. "I hate you," she replies half-heartedly.

Kai Leng chuckles, a mischievous glint in his deep brown eyes. "You want me," he corrects.

Heat pools between her thighs at the thought. Kai Leng's grin widens as he slowly stalks over closer to her until he stands barely a breath away. She wets her lips as she tilts her head upward toward him, eyelids fluttering close. How long has it been since she's been with someone? She tries to think back. There was that scientist.... what was her name? Ah, Ada. All buttoned up, prim and proper Ada. Until they got to the bedroom. Then she switched from pressed cotton shirts to well oiled leather.

Kai's lips are warm as they brush against hers, barely doing more than making her crave closer contact. She stretches up, balancing on the tips of her toes, trying to press for more. He grabs her shoulders, firmly placing her back on the ground.

"Now now, princess, did I say you could have more?" he asks, tone deep and husky.

She shivers, craving his touch. "I didn't realize I had to ask," she replies, trying not to show just how needy she feels.

His hands grip her waist, a gentle but firm pressure as he backs her against the wall. "Well, you don't have to do anything you don't want," he says, meeting her eyes. "But it's more fun this way."

Her heart skips a beat as her entire body flushes with heat. "Yes, sir," she murmurs. She looks up at him with hooded eyes. "Please?"

He moves his lips close to her neck, breath hot on her skin. "Please what, princess?" he whispers.

"Kiss me," she replies. "Please."

His chuckle makes her knees weak. Kai presses a soft kiss against the quick beating pulse in her neck. His tongue snakes out to dip in the hollow of her throat. She moans, clutching at his shirt, experiment left forgotten on her work station. "Please," she practically begs.

"Please... what?"

"Please, sir?" she replies, half questioning. Is sir the right title? Or does he want something else? 

He nips her throat. "There's a good girl." His teeth scrape against her skin. eliciting another moan.

She wants this. She wants this so badly her legs shake with desire as he continues nibbling his way across her collarbone. Her fingers tangle in his silken hair as he strips her of her Cerberus uniform. She moans his name, full of need and want. "Kai... Kai... Please..."

He grabs her breast with his teeth, pressing down until a small shock of pain washes over her. Her eyelids flutter close. Her fingers tighten in his hair as he gradually increases the pressure. "More," she begs. "More, sir, please." He bites down harder, skirting that fine line between too much and not enough.

He stops, and she almost weeps for wanting it to continue. He rests his forehead against her abdomen. "Belay," he whispers.

The out of place word makes her pause. "Belay? What?" she asks, confused.

He swallows, looking up at her. "When you want me to stop, say 'belay'. That way I know you mean it, that it isn't just play. I need to know you're consenting, or it loses its fun."

Her heart does a weird flip in her chest at his words. She licks her lips, taking a deep breath. "Well, I haven't said belay yet, have I? So why aren't you still going?" she asks, teasing him.

He grins before grabbing her nipple in his mouth, pressing down until she lets out a soft squeak. "Mmm, yes, like that, Sir," she says.

Slowly, he trails nips and bites down the planes of her stomach, marking her, until he reaches her trousers. The pad of his thumb presses against the center of her heat, and even through her clothes, she trembles at the feel of him. 

"So eager," he murmurs, moving his thumb in gentle circles. 

"Fuck," she whispers. "Please, sir, I-"

He nips her thigh, cutting her sentence off. "Patience, princess. You'll come when I tell you to."

Her knees almost give out from under her. "Yes, sir," she replies.

Inch by tormenting inch, he slips the trousers from her body, leaving small bite marks down her thighs as he goes. The pain mingles with the pleasure and she bites her own tongue to keep from begging for more. Soon, she's left in nothing but her plain black underwear, standing before him with the cold air making her shiver.

He looks up at her from his knees, eyes dark with lust. She swallows, desire quickly making her forget the cold. "Tell me what you want," he demands.

She swallows, not even having to think twice. "You," she replies.

This time it's Kai who shivers. His breath is hot on her skin. He grips her thighs, fingers digging in ever so slightly. Just enough to hurt, but not enough to bruise. Just enough to turn her spine to jelly as his tongue darts out to flick against her panties. Kris' eyelids flutter close as she leans head back against the wall. He nuzzles the mound of flesh between her legs before grabbing the dark black fabric with his impossibly long fingers. He pauses, and it's almost maddening until she feels the fabric tearing as he rips the cotton in half.

"You owe me a pair of underwear," she whispers, though she really can't complain. 

He doesn't reply, though the saucy grin on his face is answer enough. Slowly, so slowly, his tongue slips out again to flicker across her clit. She moans, the sound nearly echoing with its volume. He continues licking and sucking, until she's so close to the edge that her toes begin to curl.

"Did I say you could come yet, princess?" he asks, stopping before she could orgasam. 

She almost weeps from his denial. "Please, sir, may I come?" she asks, praying inwardly he'll say yes, but also hoping he'll say no.

He gently bites her inner thigh again. "No," he replies. "Do you think you deserve to come?"

Before she can answer, his fingers are dipping inside her, sinking deep inside. He presses against that spot inside until her eyelids flutter close again, breath coming in short pants. Her fingers are curled into fists as she feels that beautiful tension rising from the base of her spine. Just as she feels as if she's about to explode, he stops again.

She looks down with hooded eyes. "Please, sir, let me come," she manages to whisper. "Please. I need it."

He nods, eyes darkening. "I know you do, princess," he replies before sucking her clit into his mouth while also moving his fingers around inside. She sucks in a sharp breath as her orgasm slams into her, fingers and toes curling as her entire body convulses, legs shaking and back arching. 

She moans his name, eyes squeezed shut as she rides the edge of the orgasm. This is what bliss feels like, she thinks, before he legs finally give out. Kai catches her, strong arms holding her gently. He kisses her forehead with a tenderness that surprises her. "There's a good girl," he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene between Kris and Kai is based from my own prior experiences in the bdsm community.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since this is an AU I'm taking some liberties with canon, such as when Miranda joined Cerberus. It's also obvious, to me, from in game conversations that she wasn't aware of just how bad Cerberus could be, but still stood at TIM's side as a fairly important person. So, I'm rewriting that a bit to fit this story and my headcanon for it. She is more aware, and, who knows, maybe she'll have that crisis of faith sooner and want to leave, or maybe she'll stay for Shepard, or... the possibilities are endless. ;) Hopefully you're all willing to stick with this story despite it being AU.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she whispers, pacing in a short line in front of her lab station. 

Miranda raises an eyebrow at her, leaning against the wall. “What’s bothering you this time, Shepard?” she asks, a bored tone slipping through.

Kris looks over at her, taking a deep breath as she meets Miranda’s cold blue eyes. “I fucked up,” she says, keeping the emotion from her voice.

“Is your project still not working?” Miranda replies, brows furrowing.

Kris shakes her head. “Np. Well, yes, but that isn’t the problem. This time.” She takes a deep breath, cheeks turning red. “I fucked Kai Leng.”

Miranda’s eyes widen as she pushes away from the wall, instantly crossing her arms. “That was a mistake,” she says, tone matter-of-fact.

Kris shrugs. “Was it? He… You weren’t there, Lawson-”

Miranda cuts her off. “That’s a blessing for us all,” she says, shuddering.

“Oh fuck off,” Kris replies, chuckling. “What I mean is, he was… tender. Kind, even.”

“Kind? During sex?”

Kris rolls her eyes. “I don’t think he’s all bad,” she continues before frowning. “Maybe.”

“When even you can’t decide, that may be a sign, Shepard,” Miranda replies.

A series of beeps rings from Kris’ omnitool. Anger, like a white hot fire burning out of control, rages through Kris' body as she stares down, reading the encoded message from The Illusive Man. "Illusive fucking asshole," she says, voice a low growl, as she turns to Miranda.

Miranda chokes back a laugh. “What?”

Kris tries not to sneer. “Our boss isn’t happy with my progress. So he sent me this happy little shit of a message to light a fire under my ass,” she says, showing Miranda the omnitool message.

 

_ Shepard. I warned you not to choke. Humanity doesn’t need a soft heart. Perhaps your brother would want to assist in your experiments? _

 

A slow sigh escapes Miranda’s lips. “He doesn’t need to go that far,” she says. “But maybe if you spent more time working and less screwing the help-”

Kris slams her fist into the table, breath coming in short, hard gasps as she struggles to hold back tears. "I'm doing this  _ for  _ my brother," she replies, her voice dangerously low as her anger climbs. “And I’m doing the damned best I can!”

Miranda shrugs. “Sometimes our best isn’t good enough,” she replies.

Kris watches her walk away, a roaring in her ears. She tries to stop the horrid images of Elliott’s body slowly morphing from something from a child’s nightmare. No, she can’t let that happen. He may be a sentimental fool with too many alien friends, but he was her brother. Her twin. The other half of her soul. She can’t let him be hurt. Not again. She couldn’t save their parents on Mindoir but like hell she was going to roll over and let the aliens ruin shit for her brother, and humanity.

She turns to focus on the bubbling green liquid. Thresher maw acid. It has to increase biotic potential, but how? She bite the inside of her lip before pushing a button on her omnitool. “Greer, bring in the next subject. It’s time.”

  
  


~*~*~

 

Kris looks down into Toombs’ frightened eyes. “Please, why are you doing this? Kris, why?” he asks, voice trembling. 

She flinches but ignores his pleas as she tests his vitals. Heart rate is strong, perhaps too rapid, but to be expected. Pulse is steady. Blood pressure a bit high. “You’ll want to calm yourself. High blood pressure during the testing phase can result in unsatisfying results,” she says, keeping her voice level.

She shines a light in his eyes and watches as his pupils expand. Her eyes shift to the clipboard, reading over his medical charts. “You’re healthy, so that’s good,” she continues as he begins to cry.

“Please, don’t do this. We were  _ friends _ . You, me, Ell, remember? Kris,  **_please,_ ** **”**  he begs, tears rolling down his cheeks in thick rivulets.

She frowns as memories assault her. “ _ To the Alliance!” Elliott says, picking up his glass. _

_ “To us,” Toombs adds, raising his glass and looking at Kris. _

_ She lets the barest hint of a smile cross her face. “To friends,” she relents, raising her glass to theirs. _

“This is _for_ Elliott,” she replies, pushing the memory away. “I’m... “ She lets the apology die, unspoken, trapped in her throat.

She holds the serum up to the light and taps the needle. Toombs struggles against the bonds that strap him to the table. “Don’t, god, please no,” he screams.

She nods at her assistants, who rush to hold him still as she injects it through a vein in his arm. A bloodcurdling scream pierces the air as Toombs flails, eyes bulging from their sockets. One of the leather straps across his arms breaks as he seizures, foam coming from his mouth.

Kris’ eyes widen in horror as she watches her former friend convulse, skin turning ashen. A wordless scream continues to wail from him until his entire body freezes up. She rushes to him, placing a hand along his neck. She breathes a sigh of relief when she feels his pulse. “Toombs? Can you hear me?”

She flashes a tiny penlight in his eyes again but gets no response. His body is stiff, immovable, as he lies there in a comatose state. “Fuck,” she says, holding back the tears. “Take him to medbay and keep a close watch on him. He might recover. I’m going to have a stiff drink. Or a hundred. Keep me apprised of any changes.”

 

~*~*~

 

Kris watches an old vid, her brother's face faded and grey, and the pain of missing him shoots through like a repeated gut punch until she drops to her knees, tears flowing down her cheeks

"I miss him," she whispers, looking over at Miranda and blinking back tears. "God help me, I never thought I'd miss my brother's stupid face this much."

A ghost of a smile haunts Kris' face as she continues, "You're all I've got left, Lawson."

Miranda pours them both a glass of whisky, expression carefully neutral. “It didn’t work, I take it?”

Kris shakes her head. “Less talking, more drinking,” she says, words slurring together as she takes the whisky, shutting off the vid. She slams it back in one drink. “S’not enough whisky. Why is the whisky gone?” she pouts, staring at her glass with shining eyes.

Miranda sighs, handing her the bottle. “This is my best bottle, Shepard. Be at least a little more appreciative.”

Kris looks across the bench at Miranda, her hands curling into fists to hide the shaking, as grief and regret pound through her like a frieght train. “You’re the only friend I’ve got,” she says, tears finally rolling down her sunken cheeks. Toombs face flashes in her mind, his smile a bitter reminder of what she's become.

“I’m…. sorry, Shepard,” she replies, and Kris can’t even tell what the biotic is apologizing for through the haze of booze.

“Yeah, me too,” she says. “Fucking cheers, right?” She takes a swig directly from the bottle. “Why’d it have to be  _ aliens _ ? Why the fuck couldn’t we have found the ruins of some dead fucking civilization?” She takes another swig. “And who do they think they are, bossing us- “ she hiccups, and then continues. “-like their better than us. Fuck them. Humanity doesn’t need alien help. Where was their protection and help when those bastard batarians killed my parents? Fucking lazy shits, the lot of them.”

Miranda nods slowly, wincing when Kris drinks straight from the bottle. “You blame the council for your parents death, then?”

Kris nods. “Sure, them fuckers, too,” she says, cursing more than usual in her drunken state.

“I can see why you joined Cerberus,” Miranda replies. “Humanity needs the edge a dedicated scientist can give them and the Alliance and the council can’t see that.”

Kris peers at her for a moment. “You’re no scientist, Lawson. Why’d you join up?”

Miranda’s expression turns blank in an instant. “To escape my father,” she replies. “You should get to bed. That hangover won’t be so pretty in the morning.” She gets up, walking toward the door. “Oh, and Shepard? Be careful.”

 


End file.
